If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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