Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
