Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
