I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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