she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize