Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
