Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
