wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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