All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
