The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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