I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My cat gives me a boner
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
