So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
