Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
