I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
