The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
