It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
