Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
