Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
