it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
