the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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