Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
