You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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