i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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