i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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