when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
