I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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