Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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