And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
