repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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