Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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