I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
