Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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