No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Vodka?
Forever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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