My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize