I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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