i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
