what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize