Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
