1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
