The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
