youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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