He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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