i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
