so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
