My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
