The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
