Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
