i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
