he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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