I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
