her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
