Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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