you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
