plz talk dirty to me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize