I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude i'm inner monologue high
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize