I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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