i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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