All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Your cock deserves a montage
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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