I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
is that a dick in a sweater?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
