too bad you live with your parents still
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
