jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
