I need to stop coming to work sober
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
