why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize