that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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