Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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