I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
