I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
