I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
