My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
