his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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