I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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