I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
