help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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