dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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