...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
wakey wakey hands off snakey
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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