he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
