Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
