I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
