you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
