I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
