I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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