she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
