I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
