just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
tell me about the eggs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
