i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You ate ashes out of my bong
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
