Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
