Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
