why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
