so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
