I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
