on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
