Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
