I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
