I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
