Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
