you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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