Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we're so committed to being not committed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize