the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
